Post by Fenlander on Jun 6, 2008 16:26:52 GMT 2
Notice to the citizens of the United States of America in 2000:
In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister
(The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year
to determine whether any of you? noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words
interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know"
is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look
up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save
The Queen, but only after fully carrying out task
1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way
through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one
kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not
a very good game. The
2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays American"
football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should
instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is
a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football,
but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping
to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by
2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear
weapons if they give you any merde. The
98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside
your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have
never been the bad guys. Merde is French for "nuts"
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be
a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called
Indecisive Day.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is
for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will
understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Link to Post - Back to Top Logged
In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister
(The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year
to determine whether any of you? noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words
interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know"
is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look
up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save
The Queen, but only after fully carrying out task
1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way
through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one
kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not
a very good game. The
2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays American"
football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should
instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is
a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football,
but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping
to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by
2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear
weapons if they give you any merde. The
98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside
your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have
never been the bad guys. Merde is French for "nuts"
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be
a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called
Indecisive Day.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is
for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will
understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Link to Post - Back to Top Logged