Post by ann on Jun 18, 2008 20:43:19 GMT 2
*_SMART ARSED ANSWERS 2007_*
The last one is a worthy winner.
* 6th Place *
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
* 5th Place *
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
* 4th Place *
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch
of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her
family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any
bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
* 3rd Place *
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy
racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the
kid on his way without a ticket.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
* 2nd Place *
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.
A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab And said to the driver,
'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge
and ran out of petrol!'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
*_SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007_*
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of
tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand
and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sblack personing.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'. ;D ;D
The last one is a worthy winner.
* 6th Place *
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
* 5th Place *
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
* 4th Place *
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch
of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her
family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any
bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
* 3rd Place *
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy
racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the
kid on his way without a ticket.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
* 2nd Place *
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.
A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab And said to the driver,
'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge
and ran out of petrol!'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
*_SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007_*
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of
tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand
and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sblack personing.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'. ;D ;D